Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
