Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
