I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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