2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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