He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
