Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
lets start a swedish sibling band together
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
