I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
