I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
