I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
NoShamevember. You game?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
