Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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