What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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