I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
