I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My ATM looks so different sober.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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