Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
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If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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