also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
