Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
