I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
