my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
