if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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