Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
