I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
