Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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