I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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