Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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