no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i think im in europe. pls send help
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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