she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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