I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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