dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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