I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
