I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize