Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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