We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
