also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
