just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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