trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think i have two assholes
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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