I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
