Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
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