Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
