i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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