i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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