fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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