you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I could fuck to npr.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
