Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
