it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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