I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
