plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
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dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
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I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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