My nipple is on Facebook.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
