Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
