Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
