I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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