i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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