SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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