You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just had sex on a roof
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
