I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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