Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
