I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
