Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
