She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
