I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
