P.S. I can't hear my feet
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
