this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im six kinds of drunk right now
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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