does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
