im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize