I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
wow bdsm is so cute
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
