no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She even gives head with a lisp.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
how does that bad decision feel?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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