my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
