It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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