508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
babies were throwing up all over the place
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
