You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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