Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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