When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
no you cant smoke seaweed
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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