the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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