is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
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you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
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This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.