I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe