Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
