His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
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She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity