Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.