I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
