I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
