We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
a search helicopter?!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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