i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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